This information will help you think about the kind of relationship you have with your partner.
Sharing feelings |
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Healthy | Both partners feel safe and secure enough to tell each other how they feel. |
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Unhealthy | The partners feel awkward and don't tell each other how they feel. |
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Abusive | One partner is afraid to tell the other how they feel. They’re scared their partner will make them feel bad or threaten them.
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Communication
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Healthy | Both partners listen to and respect each other's points of view. They make decisions together. |
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Unhealthy | One partner ignores the other and doesn't respect different opinions. |
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Abusive | One partner treats the other with disrespect. They ignore the other person's ideas and feelings or make fun of them. |
Disagreements |
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Healthy | The partners disagree but still talk respectfully to each other. They work things out together, so they both get what they need. |
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Unhealthy | Disagreements often turn into fights. |
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Abusive | One partner is afraid to disagree because they don't want the other person to get angry and violent. The disagreement is an excuse for abuse. |
Intimacy and sex |
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Healthy | Both partners can be honest about how they feel about being physical and having sex. Neither partner feels pressured to do anything they don't want to do. |
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Unhealthy | One partner is embarrassed to say how they feel or what they need. Feeling embarrassed makes the person go along with things that make them uncomfortable. |
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Abusive | One partner ignores the other person's needs and wants. The other partner feels forced to do things that make them uncomfortable, afraid, or ashamed. |
Time apart
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Healthy | Both partners feel good about spending time apart. They know it’s part of a healthy relationship. |
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Unhealthy | One partner thinks there may be something wrong if the other person wants to do things without them. One partner tries to limit the other’s activities.
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Abusive | One partner doesn't let the other do things on their own because they feel it threatens the relationship. |
Verbal (using words) abuse |
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Healthy | Both partners try hard not to talk harshly to or about each other. |
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Unhealthy | Harsh language is sometimes used in the relationship, but there is no pattern (where it happens regularly) of abuse or violence. |
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Abusive | There is a pattern of verbal or psychological (mental) abuse or control. Examples are controlling money, damaging belongings, or threatening to hurt or kill. The abuse may be getting worse. |
Violence |
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Healthy | There is no physical violence (such as pushing, slapping, shaking, choking, punching, or forcing sex) or threat of violence in the relationship. |
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Unhealthy | There is physical violence in the relationship with no regular pattern.
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Abusive | There is a pattern of physical violence that may be getting worse.
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Domestic violence is a health issue. Your healthcare provider may talk about healthy relationships with you and ask if domestic violence or abuse is a part of your life.
It’s not always easy to know that you’re in an unhealthy relationship or that you’re having sex you don’t want. If you have questions or aren't sure, talk to your healthcare provider or call one of the services below.
No one deserves to be the victim.
For 24/7 support, you can contact:
